I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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