I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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