I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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