You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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