i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
