I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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