We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
