i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
