I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
