Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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