Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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