omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
