i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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