I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
