I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
