she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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