You can't motorboat a personality
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
