dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
