I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
