are you still at the devil's house?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
