During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
