i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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