Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
