Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
