OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
