Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
