I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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