I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
