what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
