I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
