Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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