hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i came on her dog
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize