sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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