On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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