I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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