Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
