what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
