***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize