she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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