4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
