I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
