your parents love me but you hate me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize