i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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