There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
