Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
