we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
