I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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