The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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