so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
