please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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