I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
