I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
