You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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