I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
