This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
