oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
