Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
