3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
