At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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