oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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