I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
