At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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