pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
