he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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