Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
