hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
