apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
