careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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