god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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