You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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