My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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