She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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