I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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