i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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