What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
