he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
