i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize