So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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