She said her name was "party"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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