In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
