just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
