dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
