my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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